Buzzing bee and mind problems

Do you know the ways to slow down your mind? Recently, it has been hard for me to keep my brain from thinking and constantly working. It is like a buzzing bee that does not fly away or stop humming around your ear. Or like a swarm of ants where every single one of them strives to survive – every single thought competes to be the dominant. And I live in this constant jungle of wild thoughts. Or insects. Or weird metaphors 🙂

I’ve noticed in life you either have quiet moments when everything is in slow motion OR things happen All at once, Simultaneously, Synchronously, Parallel-y (help me with another synonym to intensify the effect!). Right now I feel my life is like a time lapse video. Everything that was supposed to take years and months is happening all at once in the span of a few weeks. Things are happening and I do not even have time to process them. New job, graduation, new house, renovation, packing, moving, driving lessons, writing, researching, blogging. My mind goes off the rails. I have the strangest dreams of passing a driving test while reciting my thesis to the driving instructor. I dream of my new co-workers renovating my house. I dream of my boyfriend being my new manager and commanding me to blog more often at work! All kinds of crazy, hilarious scenarios in my dreams!

Life is very unbalanced sometimes. Everything can be uncertain like someone literally presses a “pause” button on a cassette recorder (yes, cassette! for those who were born in the 80s and earlier!). It is sometimes passive and vague: like three dots at the end of the sentence . . . But then, without any warning, there is big bang moment! And things start unravelling. And you cannot stop them. You cannot pause or rewind or slow down. The fast-forward button is stuck! All you can do is just let it happen. Let your thoughts fill your mind. Let your dreams go crazy. And let that bee keep buzzing, and buzzing, and buzzing.

What makes you smile?

On this sunny day, I want to write about little things that make a huge difference in our life. If instead of projecting a bigger picture of life, we start focusing on a smaller frame of things – would it make any changes in us? What if instead of looking at the world through a telescope and seeing the far-away stars we want to reach, we have a microscope and try to pay more attention to the things under our nose, things that often remain unnoticeable? What would change?

What little things can I remember about the last week? The two breathtaking parallel rainbows after a heavy rain in the city. An incredibly friendly post office assistant helping me with the parcel delivery. The feeling of absolute satisfaction after a good interview. The look on my boyfriend’s face when eating my first-time made chocolate lava cake. The deeply emotional journey I’ve been experiencing while reading Andrew Sean Greer’s novel Less. The taste of bitter, crisp coffee on a Friday morning and sweet, fruity ice wine on a Friday evening. The sound of a long-forgotten song that touches all the corners of your soul. The cutest photo of a barbet or labradoodle puppy on Instagram. The voice of your best friend on the phone. A caring message from your mom. The smell of summer in the air. The green coat of the trees. A blinding sunlight. A cloudless, crispy clean sky. A white page. A paragraph. A half sentence. And a satisfying full stop.

If you start remembering things that have put even a small smile on your face during a week, you will be surprised how much happens on a small scale. Combined together, the precious moments make our days, weeks, and years. They make a difference. They make us smile.