Hello, Fear

Are you familiar with this type of fear? Do you remember how it feels every time?

You wake up in the morning, and it is right there already. You think about it, and your palms become hot and sweaty. Your heart starts pounding like a hammer inside the body. Every beat resonates in your mind. Your stomach gets twisted like Twizzlers, and you don’t know how to untangle it. The face starts to itch. A bit of rash on the skin. You sweat. You feel your shirt gets wet and sticks to your chest and arms. The clothes become your second skin, but it does not help or protect you from the fear. Inhumane, animal fear. You cannot think rationally. You repeat word by word, phrase by phrase, and nothing seems to hang in your mind. It is empty, a canvas. Fear erases all the logical thoughts. Your brain knows only one thing: “I am scared!”

You move in a rush. Hustle, hustle, hustle. You know you need to stop to calm down, so you try meditation. Some good relaxation song to pause the racing mind. But all in vain: it agitates you even more. The quieter the song is, the more thoughts are on your noisy mind. The struggle goes on. You talk to someone instead: your friend, your mom, your boyfriend. They say wise, encouraging words, but nothing changes the fact. You are scared. Scared to death. You try to let the feeling go, like Sedona Method says. You acknowledge the fear, plunge into it, and embrace it. It does calm you for a minute, but then your mind escapes again. And you feel hopeless. Tortured a bit.

You finish your morning routine. Driving eases you for a moment. But once you enter the building, you start trembling again. Your guts shake inside. You step in the room. You see hundreds of eyes. You settle the table. The presentation is on. You open your mouth and say: “Well, hello, Fear. Here we are again, face to face.” And the Fear answers: “My pleasure. Enjoy your presentation. Until next time.”

And then it leaves, the fear of public speaking. Until the next time. And you don’t miss it all.